


Tuesday

by dasweet2



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-04-05 20:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19047511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasweet2/pseuds/dasweet2
Summary: Lizzie thinks Josie is in love with a day of the week, but the one thing Josie loves is what happens that day.





	1. Autumn. part.1

**Author's Note:**

> A very short story about them! I hope you enjoy! ;)
> 
> And I'm sorry for any mistake! English is not my first language...

[Autumn - Huntar.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UA8DL6U_J80&list=LLMnvG1hUz9aAQsxm-Izetog&index=3)

 

 

People say that the weekends are sacred, but Josie prefers Tuesdays.

 

Lizzie says she's crazy. She has no idea why Josie might like this part of the week because, in her opinion, Tuesdays are practically nil. It's not Friday, it's not Saturday, and it's not like Thursday, which is still a breath of good anxiety, once it's the day before the most beloved day of the population. And Tuesday is just... Tuesday.

 

But not for Josie.

 

Because it's on Tuesdays that Josie sees her.

 

 **Cold cheeks, dry lips** **. You feel this sudden change...**

 

The first time it happens is in September 2026. She is finishing filling the last shelf of the showcase with stuffed cup cakes when the store bell rings.

 

She retreats, mentally preparing to warn that the store isn’t open yet, ready to dismiss the customer officially as she lifts her spine and bangs her head on the display counter.

 

"Damn-" She squeaks, holding the bruised part before getting up. Great. A headache was all she needed to start her first day of work. “We're not open-"

 

Then she sees this girl.

 

And she's not like another girl.

 

She's the girl of all her future Tuesdays.

 

“Are you okay?” She asks, small marks of expressions tracing her green eyes filled with concern.

 

Josie stutter and do what she does best in front of any pretty girl: she’s a dumb.

 

“Yes... Hã... Better than never." Bullshit. _It hurts like hell_ , she admits with a sore internal moan. But she doesn't say it, of course. The first impression she wants to make is not awkward and shaky, even if she feels like that when your throat burns with this unfamiliar emotion. "I- What can I do for you?"

 

She asks a skimmed cappuccino and mints.

 

She always asks for this, Josie realizes really fast.

 

**For sure we strangers**

 

Working at a candy store on the outskirts of a college made Josie notice some interesting things about the students.

 

First, they aren’t the type with much free time. Every time, every moment, people come and go at an amazing pace, what usually caused some headache in the first two weeks that Josie worked there. She learned to ignore eventually, but the inconstancy of faces still disturbs her a little.

 

The second thing she realizes is that the green-eyed girl is the most gentle person Josie has ever seen through the windows of the door, and she thinks it's because of the smile.

 

Throughout life, some people forget that behind the counter have a human too, but not her. She smiles at Josie and her day goes from boring and monotonous to thrilling in a matter of seconds. With her dark shirts and traditional jeans, she made her usual request, sit down at the last table in the hallway and drew for almost an hour, oblivious to the rest of the world. She takes her coffee and chews a few bullets, but when this guy arrives, they both go off together for class.

 

She's straight, Josie notice.

 

Unfortunately, your foolish heart does not understand about sexuality because it keeps running when the store bell rings on Tuesdays.

 

**We see all the darker days**

 

One day, she does not smile at Josie and it's as if her heart is falling to her stomach. She makes the request without raising her green eyes to look and Josie feels as if the weight of the world would knock the girl to her knees at any moment.

 

Josie thinks people have different ways of looking. This girl was the most interesting tipe she's ever met. It wasn’t arrogant or scattered, or too sweet, or too bad. It was simple and welcoming. So beautiful that it stole the breath from Josie’s lungs. Her Irises are coloreds with paint pencils and filled with great loads of easy emotions, but today she thinks those emotions are heavy and nebulous.

 

When Josie takes the cappuccino to her, she responds with a tight smile while, with her fingers curled in the pencil, hits the object on the blank sheet. Because of that Josie sits down, finally feeling the nervousness of the last three months now that she has your attention, what does not help much to control her nerves.

 

Under the big green eyes, Josie forces her wild heart to stop stumbling.

 

"Isn’t the landscape pleasing today?" Josie smiles genuinely, spying on the outside of the store. Usually they had several lumps of totally bland forests ahead, but this never seemed to matter much since the girl was always drawing.

 

"No. The landscape is great..." She tilts her head a little and frowns. "I don’t remember talking to you before. Are you okay?”

 

"Actually, I came to ask you the same thing." Josie expects her to be just like any other normal person and lies about it, but she does not hesitate before offering her shoulders and looking back at the white paper.

 

"I broke up with my boyfriend and now I'm feeling a little miserable.” She says quietly, what surprises Josie a little. With a simple eyebrow swing and a flawed amused smile, she does her best to sound funny, but Josie still finds her tone contemptuous. "Fucked, isn’t it? Watteu's best arts were made in his fucking times, but the only thing my broken heart gives me is an eighty-year-old spirit.”

 

Josie smiles.

 

"What are you trying to draw?"

 

“I have no idea.” She mutters, resting her back on the chair while she rests the notebook in her lap. Your feet fixed on the tabletop partition "I'm not inspired at all. Disillusionment is a bitch. I was better before.”

 

Josie studies her for a while, dying a little when she can decipher emotion stained in her eyes. Sadness. She still smiles and being kind because that's what she does, not because it's what she wanted to do.

 

"You're concentrating on the wrong emotion.” Josie says easily, what catches her attention. Under the eyes that made her world tremble for the last three months, she thinks her weak heart will stutter and run if she does not avoid that kind of look, so she does what she can to ward off the feeling and focusing on the sachets of sugar absently. “Don’t draw about broken hearts. Draw about your love.”

 

In her peripheral vision, Josie can see how this puts her on the defensive.

 

"I don’t love him.”

 

“Don’t take in the literal sense of the word.” With a quiet sigh, she traces the female face again. “There are various types of love, not necessarily what you are imagining. You just need to focus on what you're feeling right now.”

 

She can not stand to hear the answer due to the sudden entrance of the student groups, what means that the university break time has begun and that she needs to stand up to attend them. Josie loses forty-two minutes coming and going with candy, coffees and cakes until everything starts to calm down again and she can finally breathe quietly without any request or group waiting for her.

 

It is at this time that she allows herself to look at the girl's table again. The table that is empty now, with the exception of a small scrawled sheet and a discrete signature on the bottom of the paper.

 

She wrote her name.

 

And she drew Josie.

 

**Somebody take me now**

 

Her name is Penelope.

 

Penelope Park.

 

In the next seven days, every time Josie thinks about it her nerves swim and tingle, stupid and totally eager to see the green-eyed stranger who drew her. Not in the simplistic and gaudy way Josie sees in the mirror, but with bright eyes and smile on her lips, beautiful facial features and delicate details she can’t see for herself.

 

She glues the drawing on her grille over the headboard next to the image of Lizzie and her on summer vacation.

 

**I got a whole lot of love for the ones so bitter**

 

The next time she appears, it is Landon who notes the request. But it's Josie who delivers. 

 

“Hey, Saltzman.” She says absently while she pulls her foot out of the tabletop and pushes the chair away with the tip of her boot. 

 

Josie just avoids a funny smile. 

 

"I can't sit down, I'm working." To emphasize the point, she raises her notepad and uses her free hand to point the white apron on her body. 

 

Penelope shakes her perfect eyebrows in response. 

 

"I don't tell if you don’t." Josie bites her lower lip and looks back. Lizzie is busy taking care of customers and Landon took over the cashier today. And the movement is weak. Theoretically, she had a minute or two to find out more about the girl of Tuesday. 

 

She kicks herself for being irresponsible, but sits the same way, leaning her elbows on the table while she looks at Penelope Park. 

 

"Okay... Give me your best."

 

And she do it.

 

She learns that Penelope is an intermistate and that she came from Indonesia to study Performing Arts at Detroit College because they offered the best artistic course in the country. She is the middle daughter of two brothers. She only likes mints. She is addicted to coffee. She has a seven-year-old sister named Pearl and an older brother named Peter, with twenty-seven. She loves nachos. She hates ketchup. She likes The Neighborhood and thinks Elena should have stayed with Stefan in The Vampire Diares.

 

Josie also discovers that she has dated this boy, Jed, since she was in her twenties and she has  twenty-three now, what means she is a year older than Josie.

 

However, even with all the things that she loved to hear about Penelope Park, the ones she likes better is the ones the girl doesn't say.

 

"Do you really need to go?" She wrinkles her nose when Josie breaks off, clearly dissatisfied with the interrupted conversation.

 

Josie bites her lip to keep from smiling.

 

"Yes, I'm sorry," she replied, almost to rise from the table before she heard one.

 

“Five minutes?” Penelope asks with those green eyes glowing with expectation and all Josie's reasoning explodes without direction.

 

She sits down again.

 

“Five minutes.”

 

The smile she receives in return will not pay the rent, but it will certainly remove all the outstanding debts from her heart.

 

**She got ice on her torns, and it makes true winter**

 

Penelope doesnt like the summer, does not sleep in the dark and has two cacti and a Fern that she calls Alfredo, Alberto and Ava, respectively. She cries when she hears lightning and burns her fingers when she needs to cook. She is full of broken details inside the soft outside, and it's okay. Josie doesn't judge her.

 

**You gotta give me a chill when you make me shiver**

 

They are stumbling to a red brick alley in the back of the nightclub when Josie, sick of the incredible two unique shoots she has taken, confesses that her stomach is strange. 

 

“Please tell me you will not vomit.” Penelope asks, pushing Josie's hair back while the girl waves, blinking slowly to get the vision right. Penelope bites her lower lip, something she does unconsciously when she's worried, but in Josie's drunken state looks sexy and intentional. 

 

She swallows a moan, lying on Penelope's shoulder while she breathes through her mouth. 

 

"I just need... Two seconds ..." Josie mumbles, praying that she has not said anything drunk like _"You're so beautiful that my heart hurts sometimes."_

 

Unaware of the girl's passionate thoughts, Penelope puts a quick kiss on her neck and uncontrollable shivers go up her spine. She does not swallow the moan this time. 

 

"Are you drunk?" Penelope says somewhere around. Her voice sounds like a soft, half-aching lament. 

 

Josie shakes her head, still buried in the curve where her neck and shoulder meet. 

 

“No.” Penelope whimpers. 

 

"Oh, fuck..." Josie's head takes a moment to realize that the hands wrapped around her hair pull her root for attention, what she give without complaint. Two seconds later, she is pushed against the wall while Penelope sinks her tongue into your mouth and moans, standing on tiptoe to take everything Josie is willing to offer. 

 

And she is willing to offer much.

 

**Trees fall each stroll every year**

 

"I'm sorry-" Penelope says in the next day, gathering her clothes scattered around the room frantically. "I'm really sorry..." she repeated, avoiding looking at Josie who is still in bed, naked, watching all of this. 

 

She thinks it's best this way. Her heart could not bear to see any trace of regret in the girl now. 

 

 **We see what they say**  

 

Josie knows how it feels when you are taken out of the closet against your own desire. She was fourteen years old when someone posted a photo of her kissing another girl and she never felt so exposed, vulnerable and fragile in her life, especially when some of her friends turned their backs and her parents judged her with her eyes. 

 

No matter how desperate she is to know how Penelope is, she's not going to force it. 

 

 **You call**  

 

Penelope doesn't show up in next Tuesday... She doesn't show up in the other either, much less in the next. 

 

Josie decides she hates Tuesday now. 

 

 **Don't stop**  

 

@Josie_Saltz: Can we talk? 

@peez: No. I can't do that right now. I can't, Josie. I understand what you are, but I don't want... Be like this... 

@Josie_Saltz: I just want to know if you're okay. Please, Peez. We need talk... :/ 

  _You are unable to send messages to this number._

 

 


	2. Haunted. part.2

[Haunted - Beyoncé](https://youtu.be/HjNH0fWCtOQ)

  
Penelope never expects shocking things to happen, but they just show up when Penelope least expects and that always confuses her in a frightening way.

She is an ordinary girl from a relatively ordinary family. She teaches her sister to draw, she fights for the channel she will watch when she is with Pedro and tries to make spring rolls when she is with her mother (Even though she still burns all her fingers when she tries). She is not a girl of emotions, she is a girl of stability.

Jed used to say she was different, but she never took it seriously. Jed also used to say that she needs to learn to deal with changes, but that was something else Penelope never listened to. She was very happy with her small group of friends. She already had her family, MG and Jed, and she did not need any other adventure. Studying in a totally new country was already enough emotion.

Then she learns that we do not have much control over the people who arrive... or about how they arrive.

It's her fifth semester at university and she still going to the same candy store since her first day of school. Jed say she's a controlling girl, but Penelope prefers to believe that she is a routine girl. Tuesday is the only day of the week that she has no internship, so it is also the only day with a different schedule. Because of that she creates a custom. Stability. And it that's why that day is different. Because she's never, ever, seen anybody but Lizzie behind the counter, so when she sees her, is different.

 

**It's what you do**

 

She's thirty minutes early for her nine-and-twenty class because of Jed, who promised she'd be in the store for both to have coffee together, but he's not there when she arrives, what increases her anxiety and consequently her wish for caffeine, so she goes through the ad unavailable at the entrance, pushes the door open and ignores the ringing bells.

The clerk bangs her head and shakes the whole showcase when she listens to her, surprised by the new visitor and totally unprepared to deal with it. Penelope tilts her face, studying how the girl holds the counter and swallows the aching moan.

“Are you okay?”

She blushes like a tomato, but wave.

“Yes... Hm... Better than ever...”

  
**It's what you see**

She is not stupid. The next time she returns, she sees the way the girl observes her, stealing glances in her direction and occasionally smiling timidly every time she is mildly kind in return, but Penelope does not consider any of these things because she dates Jed, and she is happy... At least, she is happy until she finds Jed in bed with some theater student. So she's angry and disappointed, and worse than that, she feels guilty for still caring about the papaya's head.

"I don’t love him.” Penelope backs down defensively.

Loving a person who has put his penis in another woman is stupid and Penelope Park is not stupid.

“Don’t take in the literal sense of the word.” Sighing, Saltzman distracted herself with the sachets on the table. She knows the girl's name is Saltzman, by the way. The badge on her apron is very specific. “There are various types of love, not necessarily what you are imagining. You just need to focus on what you're feeling right now.”

Love is affection and reciprocity, but it is also empathy and admiration, so Penelope draws the clerk. She draws because when this happens, she is not angry or confused. She's thinking about how beautiful this girl is, even though she's all misfits and a bit shy. Because she doesn't detract your feeling or act as if everything is fine. She doesn't look at her with pity as MG does, as Peter and as all her other classmates. She says it's okay to love someone even when they do not deserve it and that inspires the designer more than any contemporary art.

That's why she draws the clerk.

Because she's beautiful.

And because she inspires Penelope.

**I know if I'm haunting you**

Even with a lot of work and sometimes full of tables to meet, Josie decides to give her fifteen minute break to Penelope. She says she does not care and likes to talk to her, and Penelope is so relieved at first, but then she realizes that it's not just the casual looks or the shy smile that encourage the girl to talk to her. Josie looks down and counts the same six packets of sugar from the basket every time Penelope raises an eyebrow to show that she is noticing what Josie is doing, looking at her like a girl shouldn't look a friend.

Luckily, both are great pretending that none of this is happening.

**You must be haunting me**

Josie says she has a twin sister. Your favorite season is autumn. She shares an apartment with a girl named Hope and works at the candy store to pay for her psychology university. She has a dog named Bodhi, a collection of figurines of all the famous characters of the 70's and she only wears socks with patterned geometric shapes, what Penelope finds a bit bizarre but adorable.

She admits she feels neglected since Lizzie is always in the limelight and her throat tightens.

She says she cries on the anniversary of her mother's death and Penelope wants to hug her.

She says her worst flaw is to care too much because people used her when they realized that and Penelope feels bad.

She says a lot of things and Penelope listens to them all.

Because she has a fragile part of her attention even though Penelope has no idea which it is.

And that haunts the designer.

**It's where we go**

Josie has other flaws too. She forgets the television on every time she leaves the house, falls out of bed if she sleeps on the edge and falls in love really fast, but Penelope doesn't judge.

She still thinks Josie is amazing, and she knows it should be a little disturbing, but she doesn't care.

**I know if I'm on you**

Maybe she cares, but she will not say it out loud.

**You must be on me**

At eight o'clock on a Monday night, MG finds her in the college parking lot.

"Friday. Eleven o'clock. Party at the summer house." MG says, putting his arm around Penelope's shoulders. "Can you bring your sweet friend too? I want to meet."

"Yes, of course. No problem."

Because she thinks, _why not?_

When she finds Josie coming out of her shift at nine-twenty, in front of the store, she raises one eyebrow and stop moving the key on her finger. Josie is wearing a red dress with thin straps and makeup, what is a bit new for Penelope, who is accustomed to seeing the girl in apron and hair stuck.

"Sorry, this is too much?" Josie holds the strap on her purse and looks at the way Penelope looks comfortable in her dark jeans and green blouse. Some lace of the black bra showing up.

She undoes the arc of the eyebrow when she realizes that Josie takes a little longer than she should in her time to check the designer, but she doesn't say anything about it. Penelope knows that Josie is attracted to women, and she also knows that for some reason she still can not understand, Josie really finds her attractive too.

"No, you look good." Penelope shrugs, getting into the car. Josie accompanies, asking if she can leave the bag in the back seat since she did not want to leave it in the employee's closet. Penelope doesn't mind with this.

They spend almost ten minutes in the car, singing any music when the radio switches to another totally new and boring beat. Josie grunts and Penelope moans in disgust. She hated when this happened, but she don't have time to finish your playlist, so she theoretically didn't have a decent collection of songs to play.

"Okay, give me your best," Josie says after regulating the sound and Penelope press her lips while she thinks. Since they started talking, Josie always said that when she wanted to find out something new about her.

"I cry when I hear thunder." Josie bites her bottom lip, clearly wanting to trigged Penelope, but without really do it. The only rule of this little game was not to judge. "Your turn."

She waits for anything funny or scattered, but Josie just stays quiet for a while, what worries the designer.

"I like girls too," Josie says hesitantly. She had never said that with all the words, but during some conversations about past relationships, Penelope noticed a "she" instead of "he" in some moments, so she just assumed the girl's sexuality... Or a part of this, at least. The existence of a "too" wasn't shocking, but the fearful look that Josie has now is actually a little surprising.

Penelope smile, finding her nervousness amused.

"Okay. No problem."

It's the second time in a week that she says this, and it is also the second lie she says unconsciously. A few hours later, Penelope finds Josie kissing Davina on the back of the summer house and she sees a lot of trouble because after that, every time she finds the girl, her eyes fall to her lips and her head turns with undue thoughts.

She’s from a straight family and all the people around her are straight. Your parents are married since the twenty, Pedro is engaged to two years and MG only dates girls. She sees commercials of straight people and. She has become accustomed to seeing this as normal even though she still believes that the whole form of love is valid. What she does not believe is that she is truly considering how she would feel if Josie pressed her mouth against yours.

If she wasn't worried before, she is now.

This is the kind of new and scary emotion that Penelope doesn't want, so she decides she'll ignore it for your own good.

**My haunted lungs**

And she tries.

She can be judged and crushed for every little sin in the world, but not for the sin of not trying, because she tries. She tries so hard that it's disturbing sometimes.

Penelope says that's under her control, but the second she makes the mistake of pressing her lips to the female neck, Josie gasps your name and any principle of stability blows way out. All that matters is how deep Penelope could kiss her, and if she can be honest, it's really deep. Josie tastes like strawberry bullets and vodka, and her touch is a thousand times more softer than any other touch she's ever had, so she doesn't care if she's losing the control of the situation for a second. A really fast second.

When her oxygen runs out, she walks away, hearing the whimper Josie gives her in response while she tries to pursue her lips again. Penelope holds her feminine shoulders and feels her tortuous thoughts begin. Why she did it? What the hell happened here?

She swallows a considerable amount of breath to apologize, but gives up when she feels warm lips on her neck. She's not a hypocrite now. She kissed Josie because in her head she would be able to choose when they would start and stop, and that sense of power encouraged her to finally make her thoughts real. But now she thinks that none of this is in her control. Long kisses are pressed into your collarbone, nerves and under your ear, what causes your entire body to shudder. Your hands come to life. One reaching the wall behind Josie and the other curled into her hair tightly, divided between encouraging and pulling away.

"Josie?" She says in panic, finally choosing the conscious option and squeezing the root under her fingers to get the girl's attention. To her misfortune, it only makes Josie shift to the other base of her neck, that is more sensitive on that side. Her determination weakens and she stops pulling her torso back, raising her face to give more access, what elicits a sigh of approval from Josie. "What are you doing?"

"Hm... Nothing? We stop when you want." It's her response, very responsible for the girl who is definitely investing all the kisses and bites she can on sensitive skin once she realized that was the designer's hot spot.

Penelope decides not to stop.

**Ghost in the sheets**

She doesn't know why she decides this.

She spends the whole night repeating "just five more minutes and I stop." But five minutes later she is inside the car thinking about how the whole situation haunts her. Penelope likes control. She emanates this as a rule. The only moment she is not in control is when she draws, and right now, with the girl at her side, Penelope doesn't feel in control.

She's almost to give it all up when she feels Josie's hand on her thigh. She squeezes the wheel and looks away in shock, but all Josie says is "keep driving."

Five minutes, she repeated, her mouth popping up along your neck, sucking and biting until Penelope really struggled against her own body to keep attention on the road.

She feels that if she lets go, she will simply hit the car, but she also feels that if she doesn't let, she will come in her panties before arriving home and this is already embarrassing and shameful enough. She holds the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles turn white. Your throat is dry and your chest is rising and falling, hungry for air. She decides it's enough and that it's time to stop, but at the first closed sign she finds, she holds the girl's hair and rests her head on the support. Your eyes closed and your breath racing.

"You're going to kill us." She whimpers and Josie pinches her skin under her ear, not enough to make a mark, but enough to make Penelope into a gasping confusion. Unconsciously, your free hand falls to the bench and that slashed sigh leaves your throat.

"It's not my intention." Josie laughs and hot breath makes uncontrollable shivers run up her spine. When the sign opens saying she needs to go, your eyes are so heavy that's hard to obey. She really thinks she deserves a prize when she can focus on the road again.

Penelope doesn't know how long she lasts. Maybe two minutes. Maybe twenty. She knows she doesn't have the strength to get out of the place, even when they've been in the parking lot of Josie's apartment a long time. Her kisses continue to haunt your neck, but now with a renewed determination since Penelope is not exactly vocal and Josie seems definitely motivated to change that. But Penelope doesn't notice, what means she still keeps her lower lip pinned and her hands around the seat upholstery as if it would save her life.

Josie definitely doesn't seem so pleased with Penelope's restrained vision because she gave up the attention and holds her hair with your free hand, pulling the girl's face for another kiss. This one is more clumsy than the other. Penelope can not concentrate enough to keep her tongue in the match, so she just responds to the moves that are made, without bothering to try to take over.

Josie moves away, panting. Penelope just open her eyes.

"You're so sexy," she says and the little concentration Penelope brought together melts away. Penelope raises her face to recover the interrupted kiss, but the girl runs off, gathering they foreheads in an attempt to catch her breath. "You have no idea how pretty I think you are..."

"Josie..." She whispers a little lost. She wants to reach out and comfort the girl because Josie actually closed her eyes as if it hurt her, but Penelope feels that if she touches, it will become real, so she just keeps praying to get her ideas back in place.

"I spent all night looking at you. This dress... God, I want to get it out of your body and show you how much you mean to me." Penelope closes her eyes, pushing your head back into the seat back. She feels like she's running a marathon.

When did Josie start having that effect on her?

**You must be haunting mem**

Her whole body is throbbing with excitement, and her whole skin is ruffled that night, and it scares her the next day, so she runs away. Heels in the hands, tousled hair and love marks imprinted on neck. She runs away. Not because she's afraid of Josie, but because she's afraid of herself.

**My wicked tongue**

_You have chosen not to receive messages from this number._

**Where will it be?**

Next Tuesday, she says she'll explain that she needs some time to organize the mess in her head, and that if Josie wanted to, they could be friends again, but she can not open the store door, very afraid to look into her eyes and see the pain she would cause when Josie notice that Penelope don't want her.

So she doesn't do that.

She collects the rest of your wounded pride, turns and walks away.

She's too cowardly to look Josie Saltzman in the eyes now.

**I know if I'm onto you**

  
Penelope still returns to the candy store for two weeks waiting for the day she will finally dare to enter, but she always ends up across the parking lot, watching as Josie continues to sit at their table for all fifteen minutes of their break.

**You must be onto me**

MG says he started having a few dates with Lizzie.

MG also says Josie still asks for her.

**It's what we see**

Penelope waits for Josie in the hallway of her apartment one day.

She doesn't have the guts to go into the store, but she knows she needs the courage to face it, so she decides to do it there.

"Hi." Penelope whispers, pushing her back out from the wall after locking her eyes with Josie for a few minutes. The girl just looks back at her, still standing at the end of the hall.

"Hi." Josie says back, blinking a few times as if she can not really believe the girl is in frount of her. Penelope hates how strange this looks. Hates the way your head turns. Hates the discomfort. It shouldn't be like this. They were friends before all this and now they are the shadow of what they used to be. Josie approaches her carefully as if she doesn't want to scare her... or put her away. Penelope can not decide yet. "Are you okay?"

**I know if I'm haunting you**

"Does it matter?" She shrugged, looking up at the clerk. Josie opens her mouth to say something else, but Penelope really isn't very interested in any embarrassing and unnecessary part of this relationship, so she ignores the next question, takes a hand out of her coat pocket and pulls Josie to her because she already had a lot of time thinking about how it should be. Now she just wants to remember how it's like.

"Peez?" Josie whispers, pulling away a little. Penelope kisses her again and all objections go out for two seconds. "We should talk about this... We don’t-"

"I can turn and walk away or you can kiss me again. Your choice. "Josie hesitates. None of this was as easy as Penelope does look, but for now, she doesn't do anything about it. Her eyes close and she bends to kiss the designer again, moaning when longing makes her heart thunder and ache. Your hands tap the doorknob, and, stumbling, they enter the apartment again.

She couldn't lose Penelope again, but she couldn't get away from her either.

It was a vicious cycle.

**You must be haunting me**

When Penelope says she has to face it, she doesn't refer to her feelings for Josie. She already has too many thoughts about her sexuality to care about your own heart now, so when she comes back she's not there to talk about love. She is there to make her stupid body shake and her recent excitement cease. She is there for the panting breaths and bare skin. She's there for everything Josie can offer, except for her love, and she knows it's selfish, but she can't help it, anyway.

"I'll see you around." She says goodbye, finished putting on her coat.

Penelope doesn't look back when she leaves.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of progression, but I needed to explain how Penelope is feeling about all of this. I hope you understand her!
> 
> And comments are always welcome! Don't forget to tell me what you think of it! ;)


	3. Earned it. part.3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the fanfic rating. Please, I suggest you skip some parts if you don't like sexual scenes.

 

[Earned It - The Weekend](https://youtu.be/waU75jdUnYw)

 

Josie does not know why Penelope is running away.

She tells and lists all the possible reasons, thinking and elaborating, but she can't understand yet. It's hard to believe it's just a matter of custom, even if she knows better. Penelope is exactly the type of person who makes her head spin and she knew from the beginning.

"Is there some kind of guy you can not define?" Lizzie asked once. It was Sunday and they were watching a documentary of psychopaths where, sometimes, mentioned some characteristics of assassins. Josie, early in college and completely fascinated by human behavior, was able to decipher their illness before the program announced it. "Because, you know, you didn't lost one until now," Lizzie added, putting the scoop of ice cream in her mouth.

Josie shrugs.

She was naturally good at deciphering people and she liked it.

**You make it look like it's magic**

When she met Penelope for the first time, Josie defined the girl as "quiet."

When Penelope stepped back from the prospect of loving Jed, she found "proud"

When she strove to deepen their friendship, "persistent and determined"

But when she kissed her, "Reserved and careful"

Then she runs away and most of everything Josie thought to know loses the sense. Josie is great with human behavior. She likes that. She studies for that. But when it’s about Penelope, all her definitions are a mess.

For the first time, she has no idea what to expect from someone.

**Because I see nobody, nobody but you**

Josie is a person who cares very easily. She spent all her life being that person. But now that trait of your personality doesn't seem to be very important. Her father is in India's interior to meditate for a few months and says he has never been so happy in his life. Hope has just become Landon's fiancee and Lizzie is pleased with her candy store and her recent boyfriend.

She has no one else to want.

She has no one else to care for.

So she wants Penelope, because when she has a chance to want someone, she usually wants the only person who doesn't want her back.

**I'm never confused**

Three days before her quarterly exams, Josie is desperate. The floor of the room is filled with papers, notes and handouts that she can not honestly organize.

She hears the knock on the door and, stumbling over the confusion, walks to the apartment entrance.

"Were not you coming Friday?" Josie ask. She's not against the idea of Penelope at her house in the middle of the week. God knows she's put a lot of her manual effort in to make she comes more than one day, but even with all the orgasms in the world, Penelope didn't give in. She didn't break her routine. And their new routine is on Friday.

To her surprise, the girl raises her eyebrows.

"Today is Friday, Jojo." Yes, Josie didn't notice. Judge her.

"Sorry, I'm stuck today..." She shrugs, leaving the door and returning to her place of origin on the room floor. Part of her waits for Penelope to just turn and walk away and another part just wants her to forget her silly pride and insists, but Josie already knows which of those parts will probably win.

Penelope does not seem to mind today, following her while studying the mess of the place.

"Oh, hello there..." she sings, looking around the room with an amused smile. Josie doesn't remember a time when Penelope was so comfortable around her place, but she likes it. "Is it a test week?"

"I'm going in." Josie confirms, sitting in the same spot and looking up at Penelope.

"What is this about?"

"Human psyche."

Then that's it. Penelope just looks at her, silently, probably considering her options now. It just makes Josie think more. How could she be so sure of herself sometimes and still hesitate in others?

"Do you want some help?" Turning her thoughts away, Josie tilts her face to the offer.

"Really?"

"Totally."

Penelope sits in the middle of the papers as if that was her place of origin and Josie doesn't hate even a second of it. Of course it is more confusing than really productive at first. They talk about some of Penelope's study methodologies and she helps Josie with some of her questions cards, doing some of the related issues while Josie struggles to respond in the right way. It's good and they find a way to work together really fast, but sometime before eleven, Josie's head is bursting and she feels she needs something to her stomach.

"I have some Quesadilhas and two Donalds and a half of sugar and blueberries. Do you want? "She takes her head out of the refrigerator and looks at Penelope in the center of the room, who waves and smiles when Josie comes back with everything she offered and two beers.

"Thank you." Josie sits down again, retrieving the last article to read. Eventually, she eats, but is still keeping her attention in studies. And she can for a while. A relatively pleasant time.

But in the next, Penelope is looking at her and her focus slides out.

"What?" Josie can't say she's expecting an answer, if she can be truthful. Both of them went into this "sex-only" situation four weeks ago, what meant that Penelope was being fairly contingent on keeping things strict. They didn't have any more normal or sentimental conversations. Josie missed that.

"Why did you choose to do that?" Penelope questioned against her foreboding. Maybe she wants to do it like before. Maybe their friendship does not have to end. Maybe, Josie thinks. Maybe.

She moves her lips to one side, looking for the best way to explain.

"Honestly, I don't know. Human behavior has always fascinated me... And I often hear that I'm good at deciphering people. That just seemed right. "

"So you already know what to expect from people?" The way she looks curious about this really does have the clerk now, so she spends more time considering her previous response. She didn't lie. She never lies. She can actually find diseases and her pre-judgment is good too, but it is not infallible. There would always be one or two exceptions that Josie had to learn to deal with. Exceptions like Penelope.

"Sometimes." Josie partially confirms.

"Always one step ahead. Never to be disappointed... It must be good.” In silence, the designer just says as if the simple idea were nice. Josie looks at her, shrugging her shoulders.

"I wish it were that easy." She smiled sadly, discarding the papers on the floor again before she straightened up and sit down. "I can't stop the bad times, and even if I could... It wouldn’t be healthy."

"But it would be safe."

"Emotional safety and health can't coexist in constant balance." Josie sees this reflected in their relationship because she doesn't feel the same way when she's with Penelope, even if there's just one Penelope. That's what makes her relationship have highs and lows. "You need to be sad to know when you’re happy, and then vulnerable to know when you’re strong. If you're all in the middle, how will you know what you're feeling?”

It's just something Josie learned, and Penelope desperately needed to realize too. Josie is afraid that one day her obsession for control will take the best of her.

**And I'm so used to being used**

For two seconds, she can believe she has your attention. For two seconds, she thinks Penelope understands. But after that, the designer fits the beer into her mouth and lets the last sips go down for her throat. Then she does what she usually does and crawls to Josie to sit on her lap.

"Okay, Jojo. I think we already had our talk time." It's like being at home, Josie thinks. Your hands on top of the female thighs, testing the rough material of the black jeans. Her eyes fall to your lips instinctively, waiting for any permission to end the distance between them, but the silent rules are still valid, what means she only should move when Penelope decides she can do it. And she needs it now.

Josie close her eyes when she feels the sweet pressure of lips against hers, just suggesting. Then one small kiss, and another, and another. She moans, frustrated. Her hands clenched into a fist while she opens her eyes, panting, and finds green-eyed gazes back.

"Penny..." she asks silently. Your fingers tingle with the need to hold her hips and push them forward to feel her body firm against hers and finally to kiss the girl. But Penelope doesn't give in. Your hands lifted to her brown hair while her mouth explored Josie's jaw and neck.

"Yes?"

"Please-"

"Please, what?" Josie feels her body tighten, tense, unskilled to handle it. Your throat is tight. She wants so many things now that it's hard to talk, but she does force herself anyway.

"I want to touch you..."

"Why should I let?" Because are you on top of me, got me turn on? It would be a good answer, but she knows that this is not what Penelope needs to hear to continue, so she just mutters another "Please"

When Penelope leaves your neck, her eyes are shining. Control. Josie notes. Nothing else makes her so hot as the simple thought of having the things under her control, so Josie uses that to your favor.

"Please, babe, let me kiss you." Penelope doesn't deny, of course, because she has no intention to do it. Your soul, always so hungry, willing to anything to satisfy itself.

Josie doesn't think she's happy with this, but she keeps accepting because she wants Penelope, and Penelope wants it.

She's used to being used anyway.

**So I love when you call unexpected because I hate when the moment's expected**

Josie meets a girl in the store one day. Sara. She is so beautiful and has so much light that the sun itself would be envious. Josie finds this incredible, even if she doesn't have black hair and green eyes. Sara wants a date, but Josie not accept it, feeling guilty for some stupid reason. She knows she shouldn't, but she feels it the same way. Just seemed wrong.

To your unhappiness, MG is in the store with Lizzie that day, and he's texting Penelope about what he's seeing.

"I'm not yours, Penelope. You can not show up at my job to ask about anyone!” Josie repeats in the parking lot, in the middle of a lot of cars. It is night now and she is pretty sure that Penelope only came on a Thursday because she is jealous, but she continues denying it.

"I'm not saying you're mine, I just- Shit, Josie. I thought we were together! "

"We have sex together." Specific Josie while Penelope is still in front of her, really confused and hurted. "How should I know about our limits if you never bothered to talk about them?"

"If this is so important, here it’s: I don't hook up with anyone. You also don't. Satisfied?”

"No." Josie responds, what makes Penelope harden. Josie expects another blast or any accusation, but the designer just blinks, looking frustrated.

"Do you want her?" She does not respond, and this only attacks Penelope's already fragile nerves, which are approaching, really angry now. "Do you. Want. Her?"

"Maybe."

Josie really doesn't know how they go from "fuck it" to Penelope on her knees, on the floor, pulling her panties down but she doesn't really care.

Her chest is rising and falling and she is feeling stimulated with the idea of having Penelope's face between her thighs in the street where anyone could see. But she's also terrified at the thought in her boss see that. "We can't do this here..." Josie whispers, breathless, holding the designer's hair to prevent any sinful action from happening. Penelope doesn't seem to hear anything she says. Her hand continues pulling her panties down as she lays kisses of longing on the insides of her thighs, sighing in approval with the scent of excitement.

"We can if you stay low." She says, holding your hips carefully. Josie's eyes flying upward, thigh over her shoulder and nails nailed to her hips. She just pulls herself away.

Josie squeaks, holding her black hair to take her attention, but all she does is moan and push, feeling her orgasm grow. Your spine stretches and thighs tremble, useless, while another wave of white light invades your vision and pulls her muscles. Penelope lets her fingers steal the place from her mouth and takes her out of orgasm the right way, then continues on her knees, looking at Josie, who is shaking uncontrollably.

"You have me, you know that, don't you?" Josie knows, but all she can do is bite her bottom lip and watch, in her private heaven. "I have you too?" Listening to this is unfair, but Josie can't do much to stop Penelope from talking, and this is low. It's low because, even if your head keeps saying it's not a good idea, your heart has already decided. She just opens her eyes and turns it down, where Penelope is. Your chin is wet and your green eyes are pissed and confused.

Josie doesn't think it's normal. None of it is. But, well, she doesn't care. She takes her hand from the black hair and traces Penelope's lower lip with her thumb.

"Yes.”

**So I'mma care for you because, girl, you're perfect.**

  
In the second that Josie unties the knot of Penelope's tie, Penelope separates from her, lying down. Her bare breasts and fragile expression. Josie does not understand for a second because this used to be the moment that Penelope changed positions and took her pleasure on her own terms. But this time all she does is offer the wrists to Josie.

She comes tied tonight.

**You're always worth it and you deserve it.**

  
Josie wakes up with the fire alarm firing. Her heart is thundering when she stumbles out of bed and runs to the kitchen, where she finds Penelope desperate, near the stove.

Josie puts out the frying pan and sets Penelope's hand under the water in a panic.

"You want to kill yourself ?! What the fuck did you try to do here?!”

"Sorry... I just wanted to make eggs..." The designer lowers her eyebrows, a little confused by what just happened. "You said you liked eggs. I just wanted to be cool. I didn't think it would burn your whole kitchen." Josie looks at her for a while, trying to decipher the ferocity of the story. Then she releases her hands and slides to the ground, laughing the hell out of her. "Jojo?" Penelope approaches carefully, clearly worried. Josie holds her hips and encourages the girl to sit on your lap, holding her bruised hands while she kisses your awkwardly burnt fingers. "Are not you mad at me?"

Josie denies, smiling "Just... Let's avoid the kitchen for now, okay?"

Penelope is more than happy to agree.

**The way you work it**

But she also ignores Josie in the coming days, saying the work is taking up too much of her time.

"Josie said she's too busy with work, so she's not coming anymore." Lizzie shrugs, looking at her boyfriend. MG lowers his eyebrows without understanding why Penelope is lying.

"Work? Penelope is on vacation. "

That night, Josie notes that Penelope's problem is not losing control when she's with Josie. Penelope's problem is Josie.

**Girl, you earned it**

So she says yes to Sara.

**The way you work it, girl, you earned it**

Penelope does not know how it happened. How, trying to get in control, she lost all her shit.

"Peez, you're drinking a lot." MG says, worried about his friend, but all she says can answer  
Is "I think I lost her."

**You earned it**

That's the way she gets to Josie's apartment. Totally drunk and miserable. She knocks desperately at two in the morning, but gives up when she hears Hope's voice, not Josie's.

Your mind enters the gutter. Josie answers her, not Hope. Was Josie with Sara now?

She feels her stomach twist at the thought and falls to the floor, breathing hard. She feels like she's going to past out. Holy shit, she's going to past out.

"Penelope?" Hope squeaks, bending down beside her. In shock, the redhead looks back before screaming again. "Oh my God! Josie! "

**On that lonely night, we said it would not be love but we felt the rush**

Josie helps her with the shower, and when she vomits, she does nothing but pull her hair back and whisper words of support.

When she is finally in bed, she is wearing a Josie T-shirt and shorts while the other girl is lying on an improvised mattress on the floor. Penelope descends from the bed and lies on her side, ignoring Josie's dubious gaze on her actions. She feels herself small and vulnerable, and totally out of control, but it does not matter anymore.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, feeling her throat tighten from the tears. "I'm really sorry, Jojo. But I can't let you go. Please. I can't."

Josie doesn't respond or accept her apology, or anything. She just watches until the sleep has the best of Penelope.

Josie is not there when she wakes up.

**It made us believe it was only us**

There's never been a solid deal between them, but Josie is very specific when she finds Penelope in her last class of the day.

"You can't look for me any more, Peez. We're done here. "

**Convinced we were broken inside**

Penelope doesn't know how love.

Josie loves too much.

Penelope teaches that love is a mess.

Josie teaches it's worth it.

They used to accept the difference, but it hurts, so they break up.

**Because you earned it**

**Girl, you earned it**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd like to know what you think about it. Looking forward to the last chapter? :)


	4. Dark Star. part.4 (final)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter! I hope you like it as much as I do! :)

 

**[Dark Star - Jaymes Young](https://youtu.be/TjT79oa59D0) **

 

Penelope tried to love many people.

In the first time she was only fifteen. Your name was Adam. They dated for a year before Penelope started avoiding him when the boy moved out of town.

In the second time she tried, she was seventeen. His name was Jacob and he was athletic, basketball player and really lovely with her. Penelope finished when the plans for the wedding began.

In the third time, she was twenty. Jed. Son of one of her favorite teachers, kind, caring and quite patient.. Or at least he tried to be for a while. With university life coming and work getting more and more demanding, she just forgot the boy for a few days, which eventually became weeks, and then a month. Jed made a point saying that when he ran after her while he pulled on your pants. "You don't look at me anymore, cancel all our appointments, always have your head elsewhere, avoid my calls and ignore me when I try to talk. I thought we were done... Didn't we? "

Penelope never accepted this as justification, but the bitter point was there to make her remember that she doesn't know how to love.

**I've looked a long time to find you, I drifted through the universe, just to lay beside you**

  
When she started to see Josie, she didn't expect liked it, but she liked. No pressure or charge. A healthy and sincere friendship.

They shared secrets, told jokes and supported each other. She was always there to listen Penelope and Penelope was always there to say that she found every one of her flaws lovely just to not make Josie very embarrassed. She used to know Josie better than anyone else and Josie used to know her better than she knew her own body.

**Anywhere you want me to take you, I'll go**

  
Then things start to fall around them.

  
Penelope decided that she would not love Josie because she does not know how to love the right way and always, in one way or another, disappoints the people, so she did what she always does. She establishes her limits, walking away and running as far as she can. But Josie never cared about it. She never pulls her away even with all the confusion in her head. She was willing to accept Penelope with all her complexes of insecurity, even if it meant accompanying her to the end.

They were nothing, Josie used to say. But they were everything, Penelope knew.

She knew because Josie was always waiting for her, and she was always there for Josie even if it meant taking a stone off her wall to put three later.

**But there's things about me that you just don't know**

  
Penelope will not be hypocritical in saying it was always about pure feelings. She discovered her sexuality with Josie and honestly hoped that all the trapped breaths and butterflies in stomach were just excitement. But she had a lot of "Let me take care of you" and "You make me breathless too" to understand that the only thing that made her come back was her feelings for Josie.

It's a shame she never had the courage to say it out loud.

**If I told you where I've been would you still call me baby?**

"Have you lost eight months of your life pretending you do not care when you're dying of love for the girl?"

  
MG raises an eyebrow, gripping the grate of the field while Penelope continues on the other side.

"I always disappoint people who care about me. I avoided this because I didn't want to hurt Josie.”

"And how do you think she's feeling right now?"

It was the first time Penelope talked about her relationship with Josie, so it shocked the boy at first because he never thought Penelope was homosexual. However, as soon he take it, his best friend sensor whistled and he insisted on letting Penelope know she should feel stupid for letting her complexes tinker with her head like that.

She knows because, in the next time she feels like that, Josie is looking at her while she feels her world falling down.

"You can't look for me anymore, Peez. We're done here.” Josie sighs, just getting ready to turn her heels and walk away, but she doesn't have a chance.

"Why?"

" _Why?_ " Josie repeats the question, lowering her eyebrows.

She listens to the low talk of the people near the university and smells the freshly cut grass beneath them. The shadow of the tree where they stand never looked so small before.

"Yes, why? I thought we were both okay with that. You told me that you wanted Sara because she seemed to care about you, but didn't I? I help you with studies, talk about your dreams and even cook your favorite breakfast... I care about you. A lot. Isn't that what you wanted? "

Josie looks at her, feeling sick.

"I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. However you only look for me when nobody else knows, and then after all, you ignore me again. If we're together, it has to be your way. If we're apart, I can't talk to you.” Your voice falters, miserable. She had a lot of time to think about it, but talking aloud was still painful.” Last time, that was cool. The pancakes and the laughs. It's always cool. But you do it every time you realize that I'm moving away. Approach, I mean. Acting as if everything is going to be better, as if nothing bad would happen later. So when it happens, you get scared and run away again. Sometimes for a week or two. Sometimes more. That's not healthy, Penelope. I don't want to be with someone I don’t who is. "

Penelope shrugs, taking her focus away from Josie's eyes and it just proves Josie’s point. Penelope doesn't know what she wants. One hour, Josie is everything. In the other, it's just casual sex. Sometimes she's her girl. Sometimes is the ignored contact at the top of your messages. Josie couldn't live like that anymore.

"Communication used to be everything to us."

 

**And if I told you everything would you call me crazy?**

Josie is finishing closing the store when her cell phone vibrates.

_Fact #1: I had a cat that I called "dog"._

With low eyebrows, she looks back, trying to know if it was some kind of joke, but no one on the empty street seemed particularly interested on her.

_@jojoSaltz: Who is it?_

_Unknown: We finished two weeks ago and have you deleted my number? That was rude, Jojo._

_@jojoSaltz: Penelope, what do you want?_

_Unknown: What does this look like? I'm updating you, of course._

_@jojoSaltz: And what does that mean?_

_Unknown: It means that you will have a lot of me in the next few days, so I hope to have memory on your phone :)_

_@jojoSaltz: No, I'll not. Blocking you.xx_

Except she does not block the number, what Penelope realizes because the messages keep coming when she least expects it.

_Fact #32: My first crush was Ryan Gosling._

_Fact #67: I only have black panties._

_Fact #123: My brother locked me in the basement for 5 hours when I was eleven._

The night she returns from her third date with Sara, she receives the fact 198.

I liked four people in my life and I hurted them all. I'd like to say that I care about most of them, but I'm just regret for hurting you.

 

**Cause baby I'm a dark star, dark star, ohh**

She takes off her coat from the closet, puts on her sneakers again and goes to Sara's house. They sleep together while your cell phone vibrates on the headboard two more times.

Josie doesn't feel happy that night.

 

**Cause baby I'm a dark star, dark star, ohh**

She is reviewing her notes when the students begin to enter the class. Your attention, hardly hampered by the whispers of other people's conversations, doesn't run away or anything.

Josie is not a popular girl, so she's already used to being alone. It's really a surprise when someone sits on her side.

"You shouldn't be here." Josie lowers her eyebrows, feeling a little uncomfortable with Penelope's presence at her side. But the girl doesn't even mind. She puts her feet in the front chair and crosses her heels.

"That's the class of human psyche, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"So I'm in the right place." Josie looks at the side profile of her face with curiosity.

"You do Arts, Penelope. This is human psyche. Why are you here?"

"Because some of the greatest artists in history were considered mentally unstable, and if I'm not mistaken, human psyche studies about it." Josie raises an eyebrow and she shrugs her shoulders, turning her eyes forward where an elderly man at the base of the seventy years old, is entering the class. "Some areas of my course believe that the psyche is easily linked to creativity, especially the crazy ones." She smiles, looking at Josie again before bowing her face. "Besides, you're here. I don't need another reason. "

 

**My heart was born out of the fire**

Sara is kind to her.

She buys Josie's favorite candy, sends out cute messages during the day and when they meet, she's more than proud to walk on Josie's side, even when they're among friends. Sara is really special, but she doesn't make breakfast for her, doesn't kiss the top of her head when they finish having sex and prefers to watch Instagram when Josie asks for help to study.

Josie keep herself saying that everything is fine and that she will stop comparing the two girls eventually.

**I lost love a thousand years ago**

"Michigan sees this as chase." Josie sighs at nine-seven this morning, studying Penelope's figure on the other side of the counter.

The designer lowers her eyebrows in false confusion.

"I call it breakfast, actually," she says innocently, taking the mints out of the holder. "A skimmed coffee and a mint bullet, please."

"5.6"

Josie presses her lips into a thin line when she puts the cardboard cup on the table and presses both hands on the platform, using her body to hide what's happening.

"Okay, what do you think you're doing?"

"In the last half hour? I was choosing a place. "Penelope shrugged, lifting her cell phone. Josie walks away a little because of the proximity, picking up the object as soon as she can balance herself on her feet. Sliding her finger over the screen, she sees a few restaurants in the section that Penelope showed. "I don't know exactly what you like, but there's a restaurant near Central Avenue that looks good. I could take you there. "

Josie closes her eyes for a second, finding it surreal. When she opens it again, Penelope is looking at her expectantly.

"I asked what you think you're doing to me? Is it some kind of game? "

That seems to confuse Penelope.

"No. I'm showing you that I care the right way.” Care the right way? What was she talking about? Penelope does not wait for the question to come before continuing. "I mean, get together and be seen in public. Stuff like that. I even planned to talk about my feelings because MG told me girls like to talk about it, but-“ Penelope widens her eyes, rising like a hurricane. She leans over to Josie's side to look at the phone's options menu, and Josie feels uncomfortable.

She already did a great job ignoring Penelope during class, pretending didn't see her stares lingering and ignoring attempts to approach. But feels the soft material of your overcoat on her arm and be in the same physically space she was a different thing. Josie shifts her weight of foot and holds her breath. All your muscles tense.

"Here. Indian food. I went there with MG once. It's the closest thing to my culture I've ever seen around here." Penelope smiles, lifting her green eyes from her cell phone to look at Josie. She feels her cheeks burn with nervousness and, trying to avoid any other situation, returns the cell phone to Penelope before walking away a few steps.

Josie's reaction is enough for Penelope to realize that maybe all this is a bit confusing for her, what in fact, is.

Penelope planned to explain everything during dinner, however judging by the rather confused expression of the girl, she realizes she needs to do this before all her attempts are misinterpreted. "I'm trying, Josie, and this time I swear it's not for the half. I just need a chance to show you... But if that is too much for you, I will respect that. You just have to say you don't want it and I’ll stop. "

They look at each other for a pretty long time, a time that actually makes Penelope consider the chance Josie is finally listening to her. However, before this certainty arrives, she responds.

"I have tables to attend to." Josie shrugs, pulling the notepad from her apron while she turns.

"I'll send you the address. Be there at eight. "

"Don't bother yourself. I’ll not show up. "

And she didn't lie.

 

**And still, I can't find her**

Penelope waits for two hours.

A glass of water on the table, a beautiful dress in your body and a hopeless heart in hand. She feels the pitying looks of the waiters and swallows the tears that were so close to falling.

She can't even blame Josie because she didn't lie.

When MG opens the door, Penelope lets her tears fall. She is sweaty from the rush and her hair is a mess. Her voice shakes as MG wraps her arms around her and silences her sobs.

"She didn't go."

 

**Now I don't love like I used to**

MG says Lizzie is helping Sara prepare a romantic dating request two weeks later and Penelope knows she shouldn't, but she can't help feeling miserable.

Her drawings, once so full of color, take on sombre and depressing features that her supervisor finds promising although Penelope is not particularly pleased with. She takes her evening tea and water Alfredo and Ava carefully, trying to avoid transmitting your bad feelings to the plants.

The next day she chooses her place at the back of the class and avoids looking anywhere other than the teacher, denying her own selfish desire to peer into the first chair. She hasn't the right to do that. She hasn't the right to want this, but her attention keeps slipping enough to become unbearable. She lets your eyes wander around the room and finds Josie looking back at her for two seconds. Two really fast seconds. Your expression on a mixture of guilt and shame dissolve into her indifferent profile at the end of the last second. Josie is the first to look away.

Penelope will not lie if anyone asks.

She thought of going after Josie after being forgotten in the restaurant. She thought because, after all that happened, Josie just wanted someone to fight for her like she used to fight for others. However, she realized that Josie didn't want her to be that person, that Josie was trying to tell her that she was already trying on someone new, and that now her heart was someone else's, so she ignore her broken heart and doesn't try again. She doesn't try because she's never going to use their attraction to make Josie stay, no matter how much her silly heart begs her to do it. Penelope will never again subject Josie to another exhausting and messy relationship. She's trying to do it right this time, and for that to happen she needs to respect Josie's decisions, even if that means the end of them.

Still hurts, she will not deny. But Penelope already knows the feeling of returning to zero.

Your memory drawer is still full of loves that went wrong.

**But I've got stories I could tell you, if you want to**

She visits her family on spring break. MG said it would be good to put her ideas in place and she didn't disagree... At least not until Peter started giving his loving advices.

"Maybe you should just talk to him. When Amelie and I fought, we always sat and talked. It usually works for us." Firstborn Parker says as he puts his hips on the kitchen counter. Penelope, on the other side, offers her shoulders, kneading the noodles. "You told me you were best friends. I'm sure he will-“

"She."

Peter paused meant.

"What?" She stops preparing the noodles, looking at her brother. They were really close to each other and Peter always supported her wholeheartedly, but their family frequented the church assiduously. She knows that some people in her congregation don't think homosexuality is normal, and although she doesn't believe Peter will accuse her, there is still an unavoidable insecurity.

Penelope's lips, a little tight, separate with a "pop." She thinks it will be better if she takes out like a bandaid, quick and painless.

"She. The person we're talking about is "she". Peter still doesn't pronounce himself, looking at her with interest, almost as if he's doubting what he's hearing. His green eyes, a trace of all the Parker brothers, narrow and a little suspicious.

He wave slowly, releasing the trapped air before continuing.

"Right. She'll understand your point of view if you just say it. I'm sure. "

The silent acceptance is a relief to Penelope.

"Cool... does she know how to make small coconut sweets too?" It's what Pearl's response when Penelope finally tells her, in a simple and careful way, that she also likes other girls. She is not going to say she expected a lot of outrage because Pearl is only seven years old and still has no meanness about anything, but the fact that the girl didn't even take her eyes off the drawing she was coloring is a little surprising. The older woman rolls her eyes, kissing the top of the girl's head. Of course Pearl would only hear the "work in a candy store" part.

Her parents don't react so well, but she'll deal with it later.

**If I told you where I've been would you still call me baby?**

  
She returns home with some things settled and others unfinished, but in general, she does not think it was bad.

Being with her family was always pleasant and always bring a sense of comfort even though she didn't see her parents' home as "home” anymore. She is twenty-four now and has been living alone since she was 20. She learned to see Michigan as house, and although she still finds the culture wierd some times and constantly got sick because of the cold, she loved the country. Still, after a month in Indonesia enjoying the sun and the spicy food, being back is disconcerting. Her body finds it difficult to deal with Jet Lag and she spends the first three nights with insomnia.

Your thoughts always returning to the same place unconsciously until this ends up reflecting on her work.

"Your ideas are cool, but they are repetitive. You need new inspiration.” Your superior says one day. And she tries, but she can not. For years, she used the art to express her feelings, as a way to get out when the problems got too heavy, one she didn't need to get away physically and emotionally. Asking her to change her art is like ask her to change her feelings and she honestly can not do that.  
Broken heart is the only thing she can draw because it's the only thing that still frightens her.

She tries to watch some movies to get inspired and makes her insomnia hours in work hours, but she doesn't have much luck with that.

She accepts the invitation that MG made and decides to spend a weekend in his summer home, trying to adapt to the environment again slowly. She enjoys some incredible days at the lake of the boy's family and they talk about her problems sometimes. In others, he just talks about how his relationship with Lizzie is going well.

In general, it's cool.

"You'll be able to deal with... You know?" He asks over the night. The two are in the room when MG mentions the subject, asking in the timid and worried way a best friend should probably ask. He always keeps Lizzie's family away when Penelope is with him, but with Lizzie moving to his house, he knows he will not be able to avoid it.

Penelope shakes her eyebrows with a half-apathetic smile. MG's concern was lovely, but it wasn't necessary.

"We have not talked in two months, MG. I can deal with the couple of the year.” She shrugs, taking a pizza from the box. She didn't lie. The month she spent with her family was great to distract her head and even though she didn't feel at her best yet, she wouldn’t let her personal problems ruin MG's happiness, especially if that happiness included Lizzie Saltzman.

"Actually, you just have to deal with Josie." MG says carefully as Penelope only raises an eyebrow. "She didn't accept Sara's request."

That night she draws something beyond sad things with somber colors.

**And if I told you everything you would call me crazy?**

She begins drawing lines in her notebook. She's not thinking about what she is doing until these lines turn into shapes, and then into objects and scenes. A burnt wall. A confused person. Another laughing, on the floor. She rips the sketch from the notebook and throws it in the trash.

At one o'clock she holds her blankets, runs to the end of the deck, sits down and holds her knees protectively.

MG finds her a few minutes later, shrunken and silent, and he doesn't say anything. He sits in silence and lets Penelope lay her head on his shoulder.

**Cause baby I'm a dark star, dark star, ohh**

When she returns home, they are already early fall. The trees are already starting to look bare and the kids are really excited, playing on the sidewalk.

She smiles at the porter in the building and goes to the elevator.

"Is it broken again?" She lowers her eyebrows, looking at the old man.

"Yes. They will arrange next week. "The porter confirms, smiling at the falsely aching look on his face. "Courage, girl. You’re young."

"My columns disagree," she jokes, retrieving the bag on the floor before starting up the stairs. Sixth floor. Penelope lives on the fucking sixth floor, which means she had about twelve flights of stairs to climb. On the seventh, she thought her lungs would explode. She definitely needed to start doing more physical activity.

With a shaky breath, she stops her run at the last corner, holding the railing. Her heart is still desperate for activity, but she can not go forward. Your feet are pinned to the floor.

"Hi." She's the first to say, carefully. Her muscles relaxing unconsciously when Josie wave at her, seated at the top of the stairs. Her elbows on her knees and face free of any makeup.

"Hi."

' **Cause baby I'm a dark star, dark star, ohh**

"What are you doing here?" After a time with no sound between them, Penelope is the first to speak. She hopes Josie will do what she always does and let the situation lighten. She expects a "Today is Tuesday, Peez." Or "We always see each other on Tuesday, remember?" But Josie just shrugs and studies her joined hands.

"I don't know, actually. I feel like I shouldn't be here."

She was in Josie's hallway a few months ago feeling the same way, so she understands the feeling. She knows how confusing and disconcerting is to be in this position, so she will not force Josie to speak.

Penelope can wait for her time.

"I heard Sara made such a kind request, huh? Flowers and everything.” She jokes, trying to ease the tension, but if she can be honest, saying that still hurts a little, then she knows she failed to look funny. Josie offers a tight-lipped smile, lifting her face.

"Yes. It was beautiful. She's a nice girl... " She agrees without appearing particularly interested in the subject, but the hint of a" but " is strong enough to be practically understood." Josie looks up, looking slightly more confident now. "But I couldn’t accept it. I still have my unfinished business and getting her involved in this wouldn’t be fair,"

"Okay..." Penelope says carefully. "Is that why you're here?" Josie doesn't hesitate before agreeing.

"I need a conclusion. That's why I'm here." She shrugs. "But I'll understand if you don’t want to. You already gave me a chance to listen and I didn't give to you. "

Penelope thinks about it for a second.

She's had a lot of conversations with MG and Peter lately. If she can be honest, even Amelie, Pater's fiancee, has talked to her, and they all, without exception, continue to say that she needs to stop running away from the things that scare her because these things usually turn into a huge ball of fears that she can not handle herself. So despite the fear making her stomach spin and her head throb a little, she waves, pulling her purse away from her shoulder and walking toward Josie.

She sits down, keeping a respectable space between them.

"It's all right. I don't mind talking, "she says quietly. Her reaction now is a startling contrast to the nervousness she is feeling. "What you want to know?"

Josie considers it a little, turning her face toward her.

"Well, you already know how I feel about us," she begins, referring to the day they break up in specific. "I want to know what you think now."

**If I told you where I've been would you still call me baby?**

"Okay..." Penelope wave, thinking how to organize everything. She rehearsed this a million times in front of the mirror, but now it's hard to remember the words. "I grew up in a conservative family. My parents are the type who are in church all Sunday, and they have extended this custom for us. I never had a problem with anyone's sexuality, but I saw the way people around me reacted, mostly because it was a more conservative environment." It’s all right, she tells herself, studying Josie's silent reaction. She is listening. "When I came to Detroit, it was easier. I got involved in other circles and met people of all kinds, and like I said, I've never had a problem with this before. So I met you.” She smiles nervously, feeling a little vulnerable. "I didn't have the pretense of anything at first. You were just a friend I liked and I was okay with it. But when I saw you with Davina at the MG party, the things started to change. I really thought about you, but not the way I used to think about my friends and it scared the hell out of me. Supporting the lgbt community and being inside it is absurdly different. "

She stop for a second, not knowing how to continue without turning this into an embarrassing moment. For her lucky, Josie waits for her time in silence.

"I kissed you because I thought if I made the first move, I could stop when I wanted to."

"You always could, Penelope."

"I know," she agrees quietly. "But I didn't want to. I enjoyed our first time. And the second, and the third. I'm not going to lie and say it was always about feelings because in the beginning I was just curious about my sexuality. So it just happened. The night I helped you with your studies, I realized that I cared about you more than I wanted to. "

Josie blinks a few times, confused, and Penelope stop her line of reasoning to let the girl take it.

Josie recovers incredibly fast.

"I don’t understand. If you cared about me, why did you keep acting like I was nothing? "

Penelope sighs, smiling sadly. This was the trickiest part, but she hoped it would make sense anyway.

**And if I told you everything would you call me crazy?**

"I have loved three people in my life, and I have disappointed them all. Adam, when I was fifteen. He moved and I ignored his attempts to get closer. Jacob, when I was seventeen. He is the son of the pastor of my church and his family has the habit of getting married early. I said "no" at the engagement dinner and broke his heart. And I had Jed too. I started ignoring him when we went into college. Partly because my routine was changing, and partly because three-year dating plans involved marriage and children, and I didn't want any of that. He betrayed me without knowing that he was doing it because, for him, when you ignore a person for a month, it's because you broke up. That's why I never let you know about how much I cared about you. Because I hurt the people that I love.” Josie blinks, look at her. Your expression is disturbed and she seems genuinely confused. Penelope knows this still doesn't make much sense to her. "But you're a very easy person to fall in love with." Okay, that's it. Josie raises her face and her heart hurts a little. Penelope thinks it hurts for her to hear it too. "I know I didn't hurt you because I loved you. I hurt you because I made you believe that I didn't care, but that was not true. We were everything to me, and I'm sorry for never saying that to you. I'm really sorry."

Penelope waits for anything now. She waits for frustration, for screams and even for tears, but all Josie does is put her hand over hers and look back.

"I forgive you."

' **Cause baby I'm a dark star, dark star, ohh**

Josie gets a better job and get out from Lizzie Candy's store, what means Penelope returns to her old routine alone.

' **Cause baby I'm a dark star, dark star, ohh**

When she returns from her last class on Friday, Josie is in the same place she was last week at the top of the stairs. The difference is that her legs are stretched along the rung and she is eating noodles.

She smiles when she sees Penelope, but then wrinkles her nose.

"Why does your country put so much pepper in the food?" Penelope looks at the bags instinctively and sees the mark on the packaging. She acknowledges the icon of the restaurant that she wanted to take Josie at their first official date, but she doesn't complain. Her eyebrows arched and an amused smile on her lips.

She takes the purse off her shoulder and sits down too.

"Because there are many ways to love and my country has chosen to love spicy food. Don't complain."

  
' **Cause baby I'm a dark star.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I hope you enjoyed the story.  
> For the people who supported me, thank you very much! I loved all the reviews and all the kudos! (And the interactions on twitter too!;) For those who could not collaborate, I also hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> And happy birthday to me! :)
> 
> On Twitter as @dasweet21

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistake! English is not my first language...
> 
> And If you want to find me, I'm on twitter as @dasweet21


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